Wish I could really cook

I am a cook wannabe. My biggest regret was not surreptitiously watching Mang Lucio and Mang Emo when they were cooking what would be Rolling Pin's signature dishes at the old MH Del Pilar restaurant of GY Nichols. I did catch one for the asado. Let's see, lea and perrins, soy sauce, onions and a bit of brown sugar. But the others were secretly made so that remembered memories of caldereta, beef with green peppers, adobo, bistek pilipino, binagoongan are frustrations to me.
I ordered my paella and lengua from Libby for all my parties, and suddenly, here in the US of A, I had to learn how to do this for our family gatherings. Of course, I did seem to ace the paella and lengua. I even managed to make a better chicken tinga than my Mexican staff who introduced me to this wonderful dish that I submitted it to lutongbahay.com so it is part of their recipe file. Just a few days ago, I finally managed to make adobo of one of my remembered memories. The type you get at the cafeteria or in some one's house during fiesta time. I actually enjoyed it and was thrilled I remembered the taste. So I've added another to my list of adobo recipes. And pancit is another of my downfalls. I still cannot make the pancit they serve at the food stores although the family says each pancit I make is pretty good. I love palabok/luglog/malabon and heck, without Mama Sita, for sure, I cannot make this the way I like it to pig out with. Shoulda coulda learned our cooks' secrets if I weren't so intent of being the hostess that can roast a turkey with all the sides, make imported style spaghetti, roast beef, etc. Aughhh. So ordinary here, seemed great there. And all the while regretting being unable to really hold my Head high when it comes to Filipino cooking. Sure, I can make bistek pilipino, but morcon? Relleno from Nora Daza, and with the help of Pat Dayrit and Enriqueta David Perez, I can actually cook some without being apologetic. Still, being the lazy apology laden cook, I thank Mama Sita for helping me bluff the rest.