Letter to Father Ken

Hi Father Ken:

We are honored to have you as the mass officiant for First Friday mass and that our mom, Gloria Y.Nichols will be remembered in that mass.
The novena prayers are actually prayers for the dead.

We would appreciate an after mass set of prayers for the dead and blessing of the cremains and hopefully have time for a set of eulogies from members of the family.

You may remember her as the little old lady who sat on the 2nd pew Sunday 7pm mass while her boisterous family sat beside her . She enjoyed sewing lace tablecloths that she gave Father Jim Keena for the altar tables.

She gave up a high profile life in the Philippines to come live here sans househelp and the amenities in life that she was used to, to be with her 2 daughters and five grandkids. She was the pioneer of the Philippine baking Industry and set trends in both baking, table settings, and restaurant service. Move over Martha Stewart. She touched many people's lives with her wit, wisdom and courage. She always had time to sit with friends and family to listen to their problems and help them find solutions. She was pro-life and has saved many children whose mother's almost did not have them, she being a prime example of a brave woman who kept me and my sister Patricia in a time when children out of wedlock were a no-no. She was an independent, hard working,creative individual who became, inspite of her dimunitive size and high school education, president of various organizations, such as The Alll Nations Women's Group, The Zonta, International Food Service Executives Association, Hotel & Restaurant Association of the Philippines, to name a few, that helped send many young Filipinos to school through innovative fund raising activities. At the HRAP, she was credited as moving spirit behind the Chefs On Parade, which had an Iron Chef competition, table settings, food competitions way before these became popular here in the US, again, ahead of her time. She also baked and decorated the wedding cakes of many high profile society couples including the sitting president of the Philippines Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, the Mayor of Manila Ramon Bagatsing's entire family, and it was said that President Marcos, her neighbor for so many years till he moved to Malacanan Palace, always made sure that the cakes from her Rolling Pin Bake Shop , was brought to the inner family rooms for him to eat, all the other grand cakes were sent to charities or staff.

Grumbling like most old people do, she out lived most if not all her closest friends and colleagues, very healthy for a 91 year old until pneumonia hit and she was gone in 2 1/2 days. She lived a full life, went through World War 2 where she lost her husband Clinton Homer Nichols from Binghampton, New York and where she met her long time companion Ruben S.Menguito. Had 2 daughters Maria Delia and Patricia Menguito and was blessed with 5 grandchildren Noel Angelo, James Bernard, Patricia Nicole, Maria Ligaya and Kathleen Beatrice. She enjoyed her great grandchildren Hunter Noel, Lynn Faye, Taylor Ryne, Maddelyne Grace and Daniel Thomas all of whom will always remember their LolaLola with the myriad pictures taken of her with each of them. This is a microcosm of her life, not even touching her colorful youth growing up in the mountains of Baguio where her family migrated being the caterers of Americans who built the winding roads up the mountain, her escape from death during the bombing of Manila during the liberation and so much more. But hopefully, this will give you an insight of this woman we call mom.

Not too many people who have met her here know that she had this alter-ego. They saw her as grandma, mother of Patty or Delia, etc. But back home, her former staff are waiting to give her a proper burial at her memorial plot, rouding up all those who knew her for the caring employer and one who made sure that when we left Manila for good, that they all had jobs that would see them through.

Hope this long spiel will help you know her a bit more.
Thank again Father Ken, she would probably like the Ashes to ashes, dust to dust prayer that they say over the deads during All Saint's Day. I remember our yearly sojourns to the cemetery and wait for the Priest to say blessings over the graves of my grandparents. But whatever blessing and prayers you have for the dead will be appreciated as her gold coin from Charon to heaven.

Daniel in Equus

And here's my little wizard hero, all grown and the star of a play whose so many themes are just too frenzied to focus on one particular aspect. Each facet of the play needs to be dissected and debated. But then, it's not daniel but Alan Strang that we would be discussing. When it comes to Daniel, the first most stark image is that of an actor, not Harry Potter. The strength of his portrayal erases every pre-conceived notion of the heroic wizard. Sure, slyly, I would admit to being interested in that part of the play where he is touted to be totally naked. And yes, i did glimpse what i was there for, but if you asked me if that's all i saw or remember, i cannot even remember THAT. The play was too all consuming, his acting too amazing that the nudity is forgotten. The frenzied imagery in those last 7 minutes was too breathtaking and stunning that I got caught up in the hysteria of it all.
Kudos to Daniel Radcliffe, my baby's grown up. And Kate Mulgrew was amazing, Richard Griffith totally believable in his angst, and Daniel, the consumate performer.

40th Day Memorial for GYNichols

Time flies and the heart starts to heal. The mornings are still a bit iffy for me as I drive to work, sometimes with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that on the parallel raod not taken, mom used to wait for me as I would pass by each morning to look in on her and know she's okay.
But it's now 40 days, a busy first Friday, and a long drive through traffic for most of us, even i didn't make it on time for the mass. But Father Ken Sedlak finished the mass, went out to greet his parishioners and came back in for the final service for Gloria Y. Nichols. We weren't complete as some of the kids were stuck in the Firday traffic.

Friends, acquaintances and family were all there as Patty and i talked about mom. I regret not having seen my cousin Bing earlier because I would have wanted him to share his thoughts on mom who cared for him like a son, nor did I think of calling Leslie but I gave as much as I could , stories of the life of Gloria Y.Nichols, and Patricia said her piece, confirming my earlier tales of mom's creativity, wanderlust and life.
At the Social Hall, we shared pictures and albums of mom as we moved the Angel Urn with her cremains from chapel to the party.

We thank everyone who came to share and celebrate the life of GY Nichols and for those who helped us make this happen. Mom, here's your going away party, all in shades of lavender and violets, kids, grandkids and great grandkids around you once more.

Of floods and men

The rains poured and as I was driving to work that Saturday, I thought I was back home driving through tire high waters after missing out on a right turn through the mall's first entrance. It was a non stop rain which flooded many main streets and of course, Des Plaines where son JB kept watch as flood waters rose with the river.

He sent pictures of his street and back yard. Flooding in the basement was nil from floor upwards but the insidious water came through the basement windows causing a waterfall down his walls. Lynn and JB had fun sand bagging the windows . A few years back, when faced with the first flood threat where all his in-laws were calling him asking if they were OK or if they needed help, he asked me why he wasn't panicking like everyone else, just like this time. That's because back home at 527 mariano marcos in San Juan (once 159 Ortega St,) floods came and went at least 3 times a year in our one story house. As far back as I can remember, floods were common place. We were lucky if it was a Yoling type typhoon where strong winds gusted ( I remember the eerie yellow light during a calm moment when we were in the eye of the typhoon and the following blast as it moved away) rather than the Sening typhoon where mom woke up to go bathroom and stepped into knee deep waters. Sometimes, we were able to put our beds on wooden horses, but most of the time, we had to dry out moldy mildewed beds the next sunny day. Patty and I would swim to the gate and watch bancas and motor boats ply the streets. When the kids were born, the riverside became a bit murkier and darker so we had to palm them off to friends up the street. In our unassuming quiet neighborhood street,big name people lived like the Robert Ocas, Ibazetas, and finally up the street, the official residence of Ferdinand Marcos before he moved to malacanang palace where the joke was that when the Marcos pool overflowed, we'd get flooded.
A few weeks before JB, Bambi and Migay flew over to join us, the house flooded and a picture was taken of that particular time. Which is why JB, used to all the flooding, never panicked or felt any fear or concern. Was proud of Lynn enjoying wading through the cleaner flood waters of their street. People were invited into their little house to wait for tow trucks as they floundered in the unsuspecting depths of the street rivers.
I told JB that I couldn't understand why people were so upset that first big Des Plaines flood in the late 80s, when I had just come from a land of floods oh oops, heaters, washers, dryers, fully loaded basements, duh... So a bit more sympathy there, maridel.
Anyway, until the next Chicago monsoon, here's to floods and men.

Grace under Fire, with apologies to Liz.

In the haze of grief, where surreality overlaps reality, losing mom, Gloria Y.Nichols, to a short bout of pneumonia, and figuring out where to come up with an up front fee of 8 grand for one night of wake, daughter in law Dawn came up with a few names for crematory services.
So we sat down with Liz, a smartly dressed, soft spoken woman who runs a cremation service. As she explained what the $650 fee entailed, (as in pick up the body, bring to crematorium, return the ashes with 2 death certificates), my sister Patricia and I asked a few more questions and then decided to look no further.

With her patience and ability to be emphatetic, Liz gave us a bright spot in an otherwise really depressing duty. At the back of our minds, mom had a first class, top of the line funeral plan with all the trimmings from a premier funeral home in the Philippines. And here, we end up with a bare bones package, pardon the pun.

But here are snippets of why we were comfortable with Liz.

Can we dress her up in her favorite color (lavender/purple) dress? Sure, and she agreed to pick the dress up from us. No make up, no embalming. After all, it's cremation, right?

A day later, oh, by the way, my cousin cannot make it to the cremation service, can we come over so he can see mom? And Liz patiently waited for us (3 hours late) as we comfortably lost our way and drove further west than east. Typical of GYN, in her heyday. We used to go to wakes and funerals, as far away as Ilocos Sur at night where a giant bat like figure followed us during our midnight drive to a place I am sure only had a few homes with electricity, and others around towns where we had no names of either deceased, family or place but still found it. So here's to mom again, even in death are we following the principles of her adventures in attending wakes and funerals. It actually made us laugh.

And, Liz did a great job with mom's remains. She looked even better than when we last saw her at the hospital. Like she was sleeping, no artifice, and beautiful in her lavender outfit, made for her by a society dressmaker Inang Paras, one of the women she played mah-jong with and who'd gone ahead of her. See mom? You outlived them all.

Oh by the way, can we have her cremated next week instead? After Labor Day? So our kids can come and say their good byes and we can get a priest to do the final blessings? Again, she said sure. Are we staying the entire time? It may cost a bit. Nope, just us traipsing to a place 2 hours away from our regular route and seeing GYN one last time.

It was almost a party being in a huge warehouse where two ovens (one fired up for GYN) and they brought mom out, a bit sunken in the eyes but otherwise, still as beautiful that not one of the kids, or Mercy or her kids blanched. I think the visiting Pinoy priest was a bit weirded out. We listened to the prayers, talked around mom as if she were only sleeping, I put sugar flowers on her hands instead of getting fresh, after all, she started the hand made sugar flower industry years ago where it is now a common place home industry. Again, a pioneer.

So Liz patiently waited for us. Being there was the formal acknowledgement of the body and the go signal for cremation.

Oh, and can you wait till Saturday? Patty wasn't ready to bring mom home. As usual. And so GYN , like in life, also in death, went around town and travelled to places here and there on the back of Liz' van, so typical of her itchy wandering feet, which is what we all have, thanks to her. Poor Liz, even if she were the msot professional of professionals, I am sure we really took the cake in some of the things she did for us, as we thanked her profusely for taking mom for a ride.

This piece, as garbled as it is, is to thank Liz and acknowledge her patience and service for GYNichols and her dysfunctional family. Thanks Liz for being the way you are. (How did you get into this business? My mom was a funeral director. Bingo!)

On a quieter note, thank goodness for dedicated people Like Liz and her Cremations by Grace Company. A life saver for those who cannot afford the wakes and funeral services. And a bonus to have someone like her, patient, understanding, and thorough.
Patient above all. Thanks again Liz for taking care of mom.

Birthday Blues

It's raining. Store's really slow, scares me.
I should be hyped turning the big 55, but, two weeks ago, I lost my mom.
Mornings are the hardest, when I realize I don't need to rush to work because I don't have to run to the nursing home and say I love you to mom. Sigh.

I'll wait for Thursday night dinner to get the kids and grandkids over, have a paella and hopefully, either crispy pata and lechon kawali cholesterol high dinner.
Throw in some binagoongan pork or veggies to the mix and maybe a pancit or noodles the grandkids will eat.

Still there's a lot to be thankful for, being alive at 55 because a woman, ahead of her time, chose to have me, braving scandalous stares, outrage and keeping the courage to have what she wanted, children! Even if it meant being the scarlet woman of a dashing handsome young and ambitious teacher turned politician.

Gloria Y.Nichols (2)

These next few days will be trying times for my family as we are set to work on mom's physical remains.
But life goes on and I have a wedding cake to make for the granddaughter or a friend of hers. Interestingly, GYN made the wedding cake of her daughter while I am making the wedding cake of her grand-daughter.
Way back when wedding cakes were mom's choice of canvas, creating cakes with themes, following bridal gown patterns and re-creating them in cake, the traditional way of sharing the cake was putting them in a mini cake box. GYN did not leave this plain.Pieces of freshly baked Rolling Pin famous pound cake were carefully sliced, and double wrapped in glassine and parchment. The box was further personalized with tiny hand-made royal icing flowers with tulle & ribbons of the box matching the bridal party theme. These were then layered in outer rings surrounding the main cake. The image one sees is a frothy gossamer image of confection.
But GYN started getting ideas as usual. She then tapped her friend in our little town of San Juan who had a ceramic factory and ordered ceramic swans for another society wedding. Again with the Pound cake, tulle, ribbons and tiny flowers, this made waves. Clayburn Ceramics owner Mrs. Aranaz and GYn then moved on to making a ceramic dish with hand painted flowers and names of the bride and groom. Thus boomed the new trend in wedding give-aways.Pirate Chests, typewriter typeset balls, candy dishes, their ideas were endless.
GYN went on to add capiz jewelry boxes, tampipis, wicker baskets. Each time one new item debuted, other bakeries followed and copied.
Today, the list is endless as to the choices of wedding give-aways. Brides and planners come out with seemingly unique ideas of quaintness. Bakeries have found alternative sources for the ceramics.
But who started it? Where did this boldness come from? Gloria Y.Nichols, of course.
And the once simple pull-away ribbons with the wedding version of a chinese fortune cookie saying also went haute when GYN slipped a one carat diamond solitaire from the groom's mother's jewelry store into one of the pull-out ribbons. The next wedding had one each solitaire of the year's birthstones plus a bigger carat diamond. I heard even the men folk lined up to pull the ribbons. Our Rolling Pin staff were sweating bullets delivering the cake because the jewelry cost more than the cake. I do have pictures and names of the society weddings from newspaper clippings of Manila's Society pages where the news columnists waxed poetic about each of mom's creations. As these are getting brittle and yellowed with page, it is now my goal to scan and save these and hopefully share them with all. Maybe some of the couples will remember GYN this way.